Pffft. My life is a train wreck.
Ughugh. My anxiety has been really bad lately, which is why I haven't uploaded ANY drawings. I start doubting the picture in the sketch stage, and by the time I start outlining, I freak out and I'll start panicking, then stop drawing all together.
It's been really bad.
Basically, it started after I lost my job. I've been a crippling mess since. I have three friends who've actually been helping me through these anxiety attacks, and one of them is miles away from me at the moment.
When I'm by myself, I try to play Tekken to get my mind off of it. I've been lovin' me Jin more and more
Everything sets me off though. Mentioning the word 'illness' makes me freak out. I ordered a costume offline, found out the website is horrible, and makes terrible cosplays, and I'm praying to dah lord I'm going to end up lucky.
I ordered it a week ago and it still hasn't shipped. UGH.
I've been having a lot of nightmares, and asthma attacks. I shake a lot, and it's getting harder to perform daily tasks like writing, and eating.
A lot of people have actually been making things worst for me, which I kinda expected. I don't talk about my problems much
Or at least I try not too
so it's not really their fault...I do tell them my anxiety is bad, but I guess they refuse to listen and continue to treat me like trash /cough/mybrother/cough/
My dad has actually been a lot of help, tbh. Usually he's the last person I go to for advice. He's been making my mind rest easy, and he's very reassuring. As well as my friends
You guys are fantastic~
But I have been drawing a lot. Just...Not stuff I want to show people. I think it looks like garbage. Most of the pictures are of Jin though. I dunno, drawing him makes me feel...better. It gives me this sense of being home. I love drawing Jin. I'm very comfortable with his design and everything, and drawing him relaxes me.
I owe a lot of pictures to people, but as of lately, whenever I draw something, I almost always end up crying, and guh. Jin to the rescue. If I owe you a picture, please bear with me. I'm still trying to get over these anxiety attacks.
I don't have the money atm to go to a specialist or anything, so I've been basically fighting this battle with nothing more than good friends to support me. Job hunting has not made it easy on me, I'll say that much.
I am trying to make things better for myself though. I've been going out more, and becoming more social to help with the Social anxiety. I'm going on a diet and I'm going to start working out and losing weight for the confidence it will bring me. I'm actively looking for a new job, and trying new things. If I don't start kicking myself in the butt, no one else will.
I'm setting up my goals, and just trying to overcome obstacles I thought were impossible. By this time next year, I probably won't be the same person. ohlordyIhopeso.