I like to fancy myself a strong person. I slap a smile on my face when I'm sad, or make people laugh when I'm in tears.
I can't do that anymore. And it hurts me so much to say that.
I can't even smile for myself anymore. I feel as if my depression has taken it's toll on me, and now doing simple things like eating has become a chore.
I'll have these little happy moments, where I smile and laugh as if nothings wrong, and then I get alone and that's when shit hits the fan.
Normally, I'd talk to a friend or something, but as of lately, I'm scared too. I'm scared to tell people my problems, or make them become involved. If I'm going down, I want to go alone.
I love my friends so much, like family, but sometimes I feel as if I'm a burden to them. I feel like once I leave a room, or something, they all start talking about me. How I'm a bad friend, or how bad of a person I am in general. And that shit gets to you after a while.
Overthinking has literally become my worst enemy.
Even the little things that used to bring me so much joy like drawing, and listening to music just makes me feel depressed. Nothing has been going my way lately, and I sound selfish when I say that, but I just want one thing to go right. Just one?
Ehh, I know things will...Get better eventually, but I don't know how much longer I can handle this. So much happens behind closed doors.
I don't really get a say in anything that happens to me now...And bad shit starts happening, I roll on my back and let it happen. There's literally no more fight left in me.
I'll try and remain happy and upbeat for the friendo's...But I don't know what else I can do.